


Cougars, Bears, and Lions, Oh My!

by ScienceFantasy93



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: Bear Attack, Camping, Cuda Hairspray, F/M, Humor, Romance, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2013-02-04
Packaged: 2017-11-28 06:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/671293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScienceFantasy93/pseuds/ScienceFantasy93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katie bets the guys that James won't go camping with them (and loses) and finds herself on a camping trip with them. But with the sexual tension between her and James, and a junk-food loving bear, this camping trip won't be what any of them expected in the least...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cougars, Bears, and Lions, Oh My!

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for my JatieFantasy co-writer, Jatieluv, one year ago for her birthday :) I'm posting this now in honor of her birthday today. Hope you guys enjoy it!

**Katie's POV**

There are two very good reasons why you don't go camping with James Diamond.

Reason number one: He's vane, self-centered, and knows how hot he is.

Reason number two: He hates the woods even more than I do.

The only reason why he even agreed to come along on this stupid camping trip in the first place is because he wanted to appear outdoor-sy to all his fans. He could have done that just by planting a vegetable garden. Sadly, the idea never occurred to him.

And it kind of sucks for me, because when Kendall and Logan and Carlos were trying to get me to go on the camping trip with them – before they had convinced James – I had in turn made a [bet](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7806108/1/Cougars-Bears-and-Dogs-Oh-My) with them: If James refused to go camping with them (which had seemed the most likely outcome, since he was locked in his room, with his dresser barricading his door so that no one could drag him out into the woods) they owed me twenty dollars each, and they would never bother me about going camping again. On the other hand, if James decided to go, then I would owe  _ **them**_  twenty dollars each, and would have to go camping with them. And then James decided to go.

Kendall and Carlos were both really into camping when we lived back in Minnesota. Logan…not so much. But he always went along to make sure they didn't do anything stupid, like fall off a cliff, or piss off a bear or something. And James would just go along so that he could brag to all the girls on Monday morning at school when they got back.

I always avoided anything that involved sleeping on the ground. I prefer basic comfort – showers, electricity, warmth, a sturdy building, simple things like that.

But, since I had made that stupid bet with Kendall, Logan, and Carlos, I was going to have to give up the comforts of home for the weekend.

Guitar Dude recommended some woods in Washington, where he spent a lot of time. I got the impression he spent most of his childhood camping, but I didn't ask questions. I was too busy being horrified by the fact that I was expected to sleep in a place that was habited by bears, lions, and who knows what else?

"There aren't lions in Washington, Katie," Logan said huffily as we drove through the Olympic mountains in an SUV that Arthur Griffin, the CEO of all of the guys' butts, had lent them, when he had dropped us all off at the Washington/Oregon state line in his helicopter. We were about a half hour from whatever spot we were staying at, although, considering it was all wilderness, it was hard to tell. "There are cougars, and I think bobcats, but not lions."

I whimpered.

"Are there tigers?" James asked eagerly, apparently in the mood to screw with me.

"Nope, Washington isn't climatic to their needs."

"Huh?"

Logan sighed. "Washington doesn't have the right kind of weather for them."

"But it has the right kind of weather for cougars and bobcats?" I demanded, my voice going up a pitch.

"Yep. Oh, don't worry, they only attack people if they're provoked."

"Gee, thanks for the comfort."

"You're welcome," he said cheerfully, completely unaware that I was concentrating on reversing time so that I could stop myself from making the bet with the guys. Or maybe so that I could convince James that camping would be really bad for his hair.

"I have a question," I said. "Why did we have to go camping in Washington? Are there no state parks in California? Are there no lakes?"

"Guitar Dude recommended these woods," Kendall reminded me.

"Yeah, and we had to take Griffin's chopper so that we could get here before Sunday. Wouldn't it have been easier to just Google places to go camping in our  _ **own state**_?"

The guys all looked at each other, and then simultaneously chorused, "No."

Great. I was in an SUV filled with idiots, and I was going camping in them, out in the middle of nowhere. Why me? Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this punishment? Was I just cursed?

Turns out the woods were just out of the Olympics, about twenty miles away from a small town that had once been a trading post for the Oregon trail or the Yukon trail or any of those trails. The town consisted of a single neighborhood, a General store, Miss Adam's Clothing Shop, and a Denny's Diner.

Wow. This town really knew how to party.

Kendall was at the wheel at the moment, and Logan was in the front passenger seat, with me in the back, squeezed between James and Carlos. It might have been just my imagination, but it seemed like whenever James moved, he managed to squeeze my ass.

Pervert.

Logan marked something on the map he was holding. "We'll need to know where this town is incase something goes wrong in the woods."

I immediately leaned forward, eyes wide. "What could go wrong?"

"Lots of things. Our tents could be ripped, there could be a wild animal attack, we could run into drug smugglers, maybe a terrorist operation – "

I immediately launched myself forward, although I was restrained by the seatbelt. "Kendall, drive us back to LA! NOW!"

"He's just teasing – "

"No, I'm not," Logan said blankly. "I'm serious."

I fumbled with my seatbelt, unbuckling it, and trying to climb into the front so that I could kick Kendall out of the driver's seat and take over myself. There was no way in hell I was spending two days in the woods with wild animals, drug smugglers, terrorists, and ripped tents to boot.

" _ **Katie**_!" Kendall gasped. "What the fuck - ?"

"Gimme the wheel!" I screeched. "Gimme the fucking wheel!"

I was trying to crawl over the seat divider by this point.

"You're crazy!" Logan cried, shrinking back from me.

"Gee, I wonder why?"

"James! Carlos! Do something!" Kendall yelled.

"She's your sister!" Carlos hollered back.

"I'm driving the car!"

"Well, stop driving the car!"

"Oh, for heaven's sake – " James grabbed me by my waist and yanked me backwards. I tumbled right into his lap.

He grinned cheekily at me. "Fancy meeting you here, Miss – "

I immediately began squirming in his lap, and he yelped, trying to get me out of his lap before I could create too much friction in his jeans, although at that moment, Kendall took a curve a little too sharply and I was thrown back against him.

Once the car was straightened out, James stashed me in the middle seat, scowling.

Carlos looked out the window. "Hey! I just saw a Black bear!"

I let out a screech and immediately began clawing my way to the front of the car. James grabbed me again, while hollering at Carlos about mentioning wild animals in front of me, but I fought him off, trying to once more get over the seat divider.

"Oh no you don't!" James roared, unbuckling his own seatbelt and lunging forward to once more grab me.

"Hey, we just passed by the entrance to the woods!" Logan suddenly cried.

"Oh, shit," Kendall groaned, ignoring me screaming obscenities at James while trying to kick him, while he screamed even worse obscenities back at me, and did his best to avoid my Converse sneaker.

"Yeah, you're going to have to make a U-turn," Logan told him, also pretending that James's and my struggle wasn't taking place five inches away from him.

Carlos, in the meantime, was focused on James and me: "Ooh, Katie, kick him now, his face is right there – You missed! James, I think she's slowing down, you can - Ooh, nice dodge, buddy! Hey, Katie, I can see your bra strap – ooh, and your underwear – are you wearing a thong? James, you've got a great view – "

"SHUT UP!" we yelled at him.

"What? I'm just sayin'," he said innocently, leaning back in his seat and pulling a grape lollipop out of his pocket and sticking it in his mouth.

The car suddenly went into a wide, fast spin. There was the sound of screeching brakes, water splashing from puddles in the road, and me screaming.

James and I both went tumbling across the back seat, with him on top of me.

He smirked. "I would've thought you'd prefer to be on top."

"Get – off – me!"

"Whoa, sorry," Kendall said from the front seat. "I should've warned you guys I was about to make a U-turn."

"It would've been nice," I replied from where I was still sprawled across the backseat, my head about two inches from Carlos's leg, with James still pinning me down.

Logan turned his head in his seat. "Hey James, could you stay like that?"

"Why?"

"Because that way she won't try to wrestle the wheel from Kendall."

"You make it sound like I'm crazy or something!" I screamed.

"It's nothing personal."

I braced my hands against James's chest, trying to push him off of me, but he was like a boulder – completely unmoving.

So I reached down, slipping my fingers into the waistband of his jeans, and grabbed his boxers, yanking them up.

He let out a choked-off scream. "She's giving me a wedgie!"

Kendall glanced at us in the rearview mirror. "What do you want  _ **me**_  to do about it?"

"You're the plan-maker – come up with something!"

"I'm driving!"

"Have Logan take over!"

"No! Otherwise we won't get to the spot until next month!"

"At least I can navigate!" Logan retorted.

"Yippee for you," Kendall replied. "At least I'm not afraid to go faster than twenty-five miles an hour!"

"I believe in being safe!"

"Going twenty-five on the freeway is safe?"

"You have no appreciation for – "

"Will – someone – please –  _ **do something**_?" James yelled through gritted teeth. "Circulation is being cut off!"

"Get her off yourself!" Logan called back. There was a pause, and then Logan realized what he had just told James to do. "No! Not like that! I mean – not with us in the car – "

"So I could get her off if you guys weren't in the car?" James wanted to know.

"Well, yeah, you could – Ow! Kendall, that hurt!" Logan rubbed the back of his head, where Kendall had just smacked him.

"James – don't – " Kendall tried. "You shouldn't – "

The next thing I knew, James had rolled us off of the seat and right onto the floor, with me landing on top of him. Well, at least he had gotten me to let go of his boxers.

James smirked up at me. "Much better," he purred, hands at my waist, keeping me in place. I squirmed, trying to get out of his hold, and his eyes dilated. "Shit – um, guys? Was there anything in that rule about  _ **her**_  getting  _ **me**_  off?"

Kendall slammed on the brakes. "Oh, look, we're here. Oh, and my ears are bleeding."

He unlocked the doors and I climbed off of James, face burning.

We were in a small clearing, with evergreen trees surrounding us. There was only a break in the trees where the road was, but other than that, we were completely blocked in. There was a fire pit in the very center of the clearing, with charcoal remains still spread through it.

We set up the two tents that the guys had brought. James, Logan, and Carlos were sharing a tent, and Kendall and I were sharing the other one.

"I don't know," Carlos said as we moved our stuff into our respective tents. "Maybe James and Katie-Kat should share a tent – they were having sex in the back of the SUV after all."

"We were not!" I cried, stomping my foot. "There wasn't nudity or anything like  _ **that**_  involved whatsoever!"

"Well, you and James practically got each other off – "

"James did not practically get me off! I almost got him off, but – accidentally!" I added desperately when Kendall and Logan turned to me with raised eyebrows. "I mean, just, you know, he's really sensitive down there and – "

"How would  _ **you**_  know that?" Kendall demanded.

"Well, I was sitting in his lap – "

Kendall and Logan both face-palmed.

"Say something!" I insisted to James.

"Fine! I was only half-hard – "

Kendall immediately slapped his hands over his ears. "I AM NOT HEARING THIS! THIS IS ALL IN MY IMAGINATION! IT'S A NIGHTMARE! IT's – "

Carlos pinched him.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" Kendall yelled.

"So that you know that you're awake."

"AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!"

Steam was still practically coming out of Kendall's ears when we sat down around the fire that Logan had built, to toast hot dogs and marshmallows.

I pulled my phone out to check the time, and to my horror, I had no signal.

No signal equals no cell tower, which equals waaay outside of civilization.

And was that a bear growl I heard in the distance?

When we had finished eating, Logan reminded us that we needed to string our food up between trees, so that bears couldn't get to it. We did that, and it was only then that Logan realized that we hadn't packed as much bottle water as what he had originally thought. Carlos also discovered that he only had one box of corndogs, and Kendall didn't have any dinosaur chicken nuggets. So those three decided to make an emergency trip into town, even though it was almost eleven-o-clock at night.

When I reminded them of this fact, Kendall just shrugged and said, "Who cares? It's not like we have alarm clocks out here."

He had a point.

So my big brother, the genius, and the corndog lover clambered into the SUV and drove off towards town, leaving me with James.

I was emotionally tired from the day, so I changed into my pajamas and climbed into my sleeping bag. I closed my eyes and drifted off…

…And was awoken by the sound of branches slapping together, and a low growl.

A bear.

That was the only explanation.

It was a bear.

I knew I had heard a bear earlier!

Kendall wasn't back yet, and I was scared. I didn't want to be in this tent alone.

So I got out of my sleeping bag, unzipped the tent, got out, re-zipped the tent back up, and made a dash for James's tent.

I slid into his tent and zipped it back up.

A pillow ricocheted off the wall of the tent.

"What the hell?" I spun back around to find James sitting up in his sleeping bag, rubbing his eyes, his hair messy, and another pillow in his hands, pulled back so that he could throw it at me again.

"Oh, Katie, it's you."

"Ding, ding, ding! Congratulations, you get a free Ferrari!"

"Cool. I've always wanted a Ferrari. Anyway, what're you doing in here?"

"I heard something out there."

"Probably the wind."

"It sounded like something was moving out there, and the others aren't back yet."

"Probably an animal."

"Exactly! That's what I was thinking!"

"You woke me up to tell me you think there's an animal out there?"

"Yeah, a bear."

"A bear?" he said skeptically. "You think there's a bear out there?"

"Uh huh. A Black bear."

"Are you sure? Maybe it's a Polar Bear."

"Don't tease me! I'm in an extremely fragile state of mind!"

James patted the sleeping bag. "Hop in," he said suggestively.

I paused. "Oh, um…I don't know…"

The thing about James and me is, well, according to everyone who meets us, we have an incredible amount of sexual tension, and we have for awhile. It's getting to the point where even my own mother is trying to push me into James's bed. Well, okay, not literally, but I heard her saying to one of her friends that James and I are a ticking time bomb, and we're going to explode if we aren't deactivated. I think by that, she means that we're going to end up sleeping together anyway, but if we head it off in time, maybe it won't be as much of an explosion…Maybe she means we'll get a relationship out of it, but I don't know.

But I did know that I wasn't really sure if I wanted to tempt fate by climbing into James's sleeping bag with him. He's a bit of a player, not as bad as he was when he was younger, but still a little dangerous at times. And I didn't want to be just another notch on his bedpost.

But his sleeping bag – and, well, him – looked really inviting.

James heaved out an impatient breath. "Come on, aren't you cold? I won't try anything…probably."

"Well, that's reassuring," I retorted, but crossed the tent and climbed into his sleeping bag with him.

"Isn't that better?" he said to me.

"I guess." In truth, it actually was. The sleeping bag was warm, and his body was even warmer. Plus, he slept shirtless, so my own body was pressed up against his abs and chest.

I had definitely been in worse positions.

There were heavy footsteps outside, and both James and I sat up in alarm.

"I'm – I'm sure it's nothing," James said, sounding unsure. "It's probably just the guys – "

"I didn't see any headlights, did you?"

"No…"

There was another low growling sound. I squealed and shrank into James, who wrapped his arms around me.

"James – "

"I know, I heard it."

He reached over and switched on one of the lanterns that Logan had commissioned each of us, so that we'd have some source of light besides our phones.

Outside, I could see the shadow of…Oh. My. God. It was a bear!

"Logan – Logan said bears won't attack unless provoked – " James said, sounding as if he was trying to convince himself of that.

"Logan thought it would be a good idea to take a drive through the woods at eleven-o-clock at night."

"Good point."

The bear growled again, and reached up. There was the sound of something falling, and then something that sounded like ripping plastic.

We looked at each other and crawled out of the sleeping bag, and cautiously opened the tent just enough so that we could see out.

The bear was a few yards away from us, underneath the food lines, and swatting the food down from it.

James let out an indignant gasp. "He's eating  _ **my**_  chips!"

"Wasn't the whole point of us stringing our food up so that bears couldn't get to it?"

"We probably didn't get it up high enough – hey! He's eating our hotdogs! Pig!"

I rolled my eyes, and then gasped as he managed to get to the bottles of coke we had strung up as well. He chewed off the lid, and knocked the bottle over, so that the dark liquid spilled out into the dirt. He immediately began lapping it up, before it could dry.

"Wow. He really loves junk food," I commented.

James shook his head. "If he keeps eating like that, he's going to get fat."

"Then it's a good thing he lumbers around all day in the forest, burning off all those calories from people's dinners."

"Probably."

"You know, if he keeps eating our food, we're not going to have any left," I pointed out. "We're going to have to distract him."

"How?"

"I don't know…Throw something at him? Oh, wait, that'd be provoking him. Maybe we can give him something that'll taste so bad that he won't want to eat anymore."

"Great. Tell you what, you run out there and replace the hotdogs in his mouth with your shampoo, and I'll just back in here and watch."

"We're not using my shampoo!"

"Then what do you suggest we use?"

"Your Cuda products."

"What? No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"No!"

"Yes – crap," James groaned as he realized I had tricked him. "Fine. You win. But I'm not stuffing the bottle into his mouth. I prefer ten fingers, plus both of my hands, thank you very much."

"We'll roll it towards him," I suggested.

"Okay." James fished out one of his Cuda products – hair volumnizer – from his duffel bag, and handed it to me. I cautiously set it on the ground and rolled it towards the bear.

The bear immediately began sniffing at it, and chewed the cap off.

Beside me, James whimpered in pain, and buried his face in my shoulder. "I can't look!"

"Baby."

"It was so young, so beautiful, so – "

The bear took a bite out of the bottle, and immediately let out a roar. It apparently didn't appreciate being fed beauty products.

I guess it smelled us, because the next thing I knew, it was making a beeline straight for us. James immediately yanked out his Cuda manspray and, as the bear came into spitting distance, he let the nozzle go, so the bear got a face-full of body spray.

The bear wheeled around at once and dodged back into the trees, running like it thought a dinosaur was behind him.

James and I looked at each other.

"Wow…Nice shot," I said appreciatively. "I had no idea you could think on your feet like that."

He shrugged. "There's lots of things about me you don't know."

"Yeah, I…know…"

There was a pause, and then I asked, "Why did you bring beauty products with you?"

He shrugged. "You never know when they might come in handy. And in this case, they just saved some of our food, and our lives."

"Yeah…they did…"

Okay, so maybe James's vanity had come in handy for once. It probably never would again, but I knew that he would be bringing up this incident whenever I ribbed him about using more beauty products than I had ever owned.

And maybe he didn't hate the woods as much as I did. Maybe…Since, you know, I had lost the bet about him not going camping.

Fine, so I had just been proven wrong on both accounts.

"I'm really glad it was you who was here with me," I admitted once we had gotten the tent zipped back up. "Logan would have freaked out, and Kendall and Carlos probably would have started chucking everything in sight at the bear."

James smiled at me. "Well, I'm really glad it was you who was here, too. And hey, we just faced down a bear together. We have an unbreakable bond now. Like…Harry and Ginny. Bella and Edward. Percy and Annabeth. Katniss and Peeta. Eragon and – "

I did the only thing I could think of to shut him up. I kissed him.

He kissed me back, lips soft against mine.

After several seconds, we pulled away from each other.

"Like Eragon and Arya," he continued on, and I wracked him with a pillow.

"Do continue," I told him. "But you'll really miss out." I winked at him, and he immediately shut up.

I grinned, and pulled my t-shirt up and over my head. His eyes widened, and he pressed his lips to mine.

The next morning, I awoke next to James. Clothes were scattered around the tent, and sun was streaming in through the small cracks in the tree branches.

"No! Nononononononono!"

I opened my eyes to find Kendall, Logan, and Carlos all standing in the entrance to the tent, gaping at the sight in front of them.

Kendall continued on. "No! We left you two alone for one night – which we didn't even mean to do – and when we get back, you two are in the same sleeping bag, naked!"

Carlos grinned. "I see the sexual tension finally exploded."

Logan eyed James and me. "You two did use protection, didn't you?"

James and I both heaved heavy sighs.

"Yes Logan, we did," James said impatiently, his voice a little groggy since he had also been woken up by Kendall freaking out.

"Oh, okay, good."

"I can't believe this! I can't believe this!" Kendall cried, hopping up and down in frustration.

"Why were you guys away for so long anyway?" I demanded. "I mean, James and I had to go through a bear attack alone. We saved some of the food anyway. Feel free to thank us with money and iTunes gift cards."

"The SUV's battery died, and it took us forever to find someone who had jumper cables," Logan explained. "And – there was a bear attack?"

"Yeah, a bear – I bet it was a Black bear – decided it had a desperate craving for human food. He was partial to chips, hotdogs, and coke, but wasn't too fond of James's beauty products."

"Huh?"

"Oh yeah, we tried to feed him James's Cuda hair volumnizer. The bear didn't like that, so he tried to kill us, so James sprayed him with his manspray, and the bear took off."

The others gaped at us.

"Anyway," Kendall said, shaking himself out of his confusion, "I don't think we should stay here. I think we should just pack up and head out. I really don't want to stay here, not if there's bears who like junk food hanging around."

James and I immediately broke out into protests.

"But it's been so much fun!" I cried.

"We can't leave yet, we just got here!" James insisted.

"No! We're leaving. The next time we go camping, I'm booking a reservation at the California state park. I'm not camping out here ever again."

I looked over at James. "You'd think  _ **he**_  was the one who had gone through a bear attack."

"I know! What a wimp!"

Kendall let out a scream of frustration and fled the tent.

Logan and Carlos looked at each other. "We'll go calm him down," Logan assured us. "You two…do whatever it is you two have been doing."

"He means fucking," Carlos said to us.

Logan smacked him around the back of the head, before dragging him out of the tent, and zipping it back up.

I looked over at James. "I think we just got permission to get each other off."

He smirked. "You know, I think we did."

I touched my lips to his once again, and we fell back against the pillows.

You know, if all camping trips were going to be like this, then James and I definitely needed to go on them a lot more.


End file.
